Loving your newborn baby - Paterson Pregnancy & Infant Parenting ...

While you were pregnant, did you worry that you didn't know how to raise a securely attached child? Were you concerned that you may not be a good-enough parent?

There is so much pressure out there for parents today. In parenting circles, it seems that the natural process of human attachment has taken on epic meaning. But from a research-based point of view, creating a genuine connection with your baby is actually pretty basic.

A healthy attachment bond is formed within a wide range of safe parenting practices. It is a natural, biological process that happens between infant and caregiver. The caregivers can be biological and/or adoptive parents, step-parents, grandparents and other consistent people in baby's life.

The quality of the attachment bond is created by safe, loving, repeated, consistent and predictable care. Healthy emotional development depends on the presence of a stable caregiver who provides appropriate emotional, verbal and somatic stimulation. A secure attachment does not depend on the first few moments of a baby's life. Rather, feelings of safety, love and security are created by good, consistent, quality care in numerous interactions of over the course of years of everyday care.

When a baby is distressed, the caregivers are there to be a safe container to calm and modulate strong feelings of distress. A caregiver's sensitivity to the baby's feeling states help create feelings of safety. The quality of the baby's first attachment experiences influences how he experiences other people and how he views himself.

Be aware that becoming a parent can trigger old feelings of your own past hurts. Parenting a newborn can bring up complex and murky feelings.

There is no better way to be a better parent than to work through your own past. Learn to identify from where those old feelings of anger and betrayal stem. And learn to attach them to the old memories from which they come. Work to keep them out of parenting your present newborn.

Some ways to reinforce the attachment bond:

  • talking about what you are doing as you move about the room
  • making eye contact with your baby: gazing and smiling, but
  • being sensitive to the baby's signals when she needs a break from eye-contact
  • skin to skin gentle touch, again sensitive to when the baby needs a break
  • cuddling and comforting
  • stay calm when your baby is upset: be his comforter or container for stressful feelings
  • Infant massage is a wonderful stress-reducer and a great way to connect
  • work to know yourself and your triggers, attach them to the past, keep them out of your present day parenting
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